THE DEMENTIA CONFESSIONAL, by Lori La Bey of Alzheimer’s Speaks

I have found it interesting to notice how I have dealt with my Mother’s Dementia over the past thirty years, the phases I have gone through.  I thought maybe, just maybe, it might help you on your own Dementia journey.  

The questions I have found myself asking are:

  •  Is this situation normal?
  •  Are my thoughts and feelings normal?
  •  Heck, let’s cut to the chase, am I normal?

And here are a few of my reactions to life with memory loss.

  • Out and out denial.  Not happening in my family!
  • Need for control

– Recognizing there is a problem and thinking I can fix it.

– Knowing there is a problem and I can make it better.

– Realizing I can’t fix Mom but I sure as heck can fix everyone else.

– Control… not working… time to readjust my game plan once AGAIN!

  • Coming to Acceptance

– Trying hard to let go of control, but slipping up routinely and feeling horrible that I’m not a better person.

– Working harder, feeling more comfortable with being spontaneous and looking for joy filled moments.

– Finding some peace in letting go of blaming myself, others and God.

  • Peacefulness is around the corner

– Learning to adjust to “just being.”  Going with the flow of Dementia.

– Applying this new perspective and skill set into all areas of my life. This was HUGE and life changing on many levels.

  • Appreciation

– Finding out how amazing, loving, peaceful and calm my life has become.

– Being filled with gratitude, thankful for what I still have with my mother on this path of dementia.

  • Confessional

– Finding refuge in the silence with mom now in her end stages.

– Vulnerability appears to take over as I let go even more; feeling comfortable enough to expose my true inner thoughts and feelings to my mother who cannot respond as I so deeply want her to.

– Grief and guilt for the person I so longed to be to my mother.

– Unworthiness and strong feelings that I have failed Mom in many ways.

– Submitting fully to my higher powers and my mother, asking forgiveness.

– Releasing of my sins, appreciating I have done the best I could do during this long journey.

– Achieving once again another new level of unconditional love that I did not know existed prior to Dementia.

 by Lori La Bey, Alzheimer’s Expert  Alzheimer’s Speaks
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