I have found it interesting to notice how I have dealt with my Mother’s Dementia over the past thirty years, the phases I have gone through. I thought maybe, just maybe, it might help you on your own Dementia journey.
The questions I have found myself asking are:
- Is this situation normal?
- Are my thoughts and feelings normal?
- Heck, let’s cut to the chase, am I normal?
And here are a few of my reactions to life with memory loss.
- Out and out denial. Not happening in my family!
- Need for control
– Recognizing there is a problem and thinking I can fix it.
– Knowing there is a problem and I can make it better.
– Realizing I can’t fix Mom but I sure as heck can fix everyone else.
– Control… not working… time to readjust my game plan once AGAIN!
- Coming to Acceptance
– Trying hard to let go of control, but slipping up routinely and feeling horrible that I’m not a better person.
– Working harder, feeling more comfortable with being spontaneous and looking for joy filled moments.
– Finding some peace in letting go of blaming myself, others and God.
- Peacefulness is around the corner
– Learning to adjust to “just being.” Going with the flow of Dementia.
– Applying this new perspective and skill set into all areas of my life. This was HUGE and life changing on many levels.
– Finding out how amazing, loving, peaceful and calm my life has become.
– Being filled with gratitude, thankful for what I still have with my mother on this path of dementia.
– Finding refuge in the silence with mom now in her end stages.
– Vulnerability appears to take over as I let go even more; feeling comfortable enough to expose my true inner thoughts and feelings to my mother who cannot respond as I so deeply want her to.
– Grief and guilt for the person I so longed to be to my mother.
– Unworthiness and strong feelings that I have failed Mom in many ways.
– Submitting fully to my higher powers and my mother, asking forgiveness.
– Releasing of my sins, appreciating I have done the best I could do during this long journey.
– Achieving once again another new level of unconditional love that I did not know existed prior to Dementia.